Midnight Bliss V: Fixed, For Sure
by Miratete
Summary: The fifth story in my Midnight Bliss series ( yes, I know III and IV haven't been posted yet). Felix finds himself tempted by a busty seductress after a few rootbeers at Tapper's. And Calhoun is not amused.


Midnight Bliss V: Fixed, For Sure

-o-o-o-o-o-

Fix-It Felix, Jr. sat alone at _Tapper_'s. Wherever was Tammy? She and her men still hadn't shown up, and they always came here on these quiet Tuesday nights after the arcade closed. And right now he was the only patron, save for a Shy-Guy from one of the Mario games and three players from _FIFA World_.

"Penny for your thoughts?" came a woman's low voice from the stool next to him.

Felix looked over and found himself eye-to-eye with the Grand Canyon of cleavage. Looking up he found it was attached to the chest of a tall, bright-eyed brunette. Her shirt was unbuttoned, held together by only a precarious knot just above her belly button. The bib of her itty-bitty denim overalls, falling off of one shoulder and fallen off of the other, did nothing to help contain the top-heavy load.

"A penny?" he asked.

"Yeah...a penny for your thoughts. You know the old saying."

"I'm afraid I don't ma'am," Felix slurred. The three rootbeers he had consumed while waiting had taken effect.

She leaned toward him, forcing him to turn his head so as not to stare at her chest, as much as he kinda wanted to. But now he found himself staring at her bare thighs. "I'll buy your thoughts for a penny. I'd like to know what you're thinking," she said smoothly.

"Well okay," Felix said, gulping at his rootbeer, but I'll tell you for free.

"Silly man," she giggled and waved at Tapper.

The barkeeper slid a rootbeer toward the brunette, and she caught it like a pro.

"What's your name?" Felix asked. "I don't think I've met you before."

"Oh, I'm Daisy from that _Barnyard Bonanza_ game in the kiddie section of the arcade. No relation to the princess of the same name."

"Well that explains the costume." He held out his hand to shake hers, but his eyes couldn't help but fall into her cleavage. "You _are_ the barnyard bonanza."

"Why thank you," she said, feeling complimented. She jiggled her bonanza slightly for him.

Felix suddenly realized what he'd said had been rather inappropriate, and slapped a gloved hand to his mouth. "Oh, forgive me. I din'n't mean to say that!" he apologized.

She only giggled. "How about a kiss, silly man?"

"A kiss? Daisy, we've only just met. Besides...I'm a married man."

"Married? Really? I'll bet you've had lots of practice kissing in that case." She leaned in puckering her lips.

For a moment Felix's lips twitched forward, and then he slapped his hand over them again. "I can't kiss you! I have a wife and two kids...no wait. I don't have kids."

She pouted. "You must love her a lot. I'll bet she's fantastic."

"She is one dynamite gal," Felix sighed.

"I'm jealous..."

"Awww now, Miss Daisy. You don't have to be jealous."

"Well where is she? I'd like to meet her."

"She was supposed to be here an hour ago. I don't know where she's gotten to."

"Well I'll help you wait for her." And then she ran a hand through her wild brown hair and batted her eyes. "One little kiss? Just show me what it's like to be her? Pretty pweeeese?" She leaned in closely again.

Felix drank the last of his rootbeer and set the mug down. "Well, I suppose one little kiss wouldn't hurt," he said slowly, his cheeks warming. He could always blame the rootbeer.

"I'll make it quick," she offered with a sweetening wink. Daisy puckered her lips and leaned forward.

Felix took her head into his hands and planted his mouth against hers. And while he expected it to be quick, the farm girl instead refused to let go, kissing him hard. And when she finally broke away, she was grinning from ear to ear.

"Wow!" gasped Felix. "That was some kiss."

"Why thank you," smiled Daisy. "How about another?" And with that she grabbed Felix by the front of his shirt and kissed him again, this time more passionately, her tongue slipping in between his teeth.

Felix tried to resist but just couldn't. He'd been faithful to Tammy and hadn't once strayed from the path. But this wild farm girl somehow knew just how he liked to be smooched. So he just closed his eyes and went with it.

"Felix!" came a loud, angry voice.

Felix opened one eye, as did Daisy, to see Sgt. Tamora J. Calhoun standing there, her arms akimbo, her face livid, and two of her men behind her. Of all the times for her to show up late.

"Oh... hi Tammy. Uh...this is Daisy from _Barnyard Bonanza_. We were just getting to know each other."

"Felix, you had better have a pretty good explanation of why 'this isn't what it looks like' and you'd better have it pretty quickly," snarled Calhoun.

Daisy set Felix down and grinned wickedly. "It's exactly what it looks like." And then she winked at the two soldiers with the sergeant, who were staring at her generous barnyard.

Calhoun's patience ran out then and there. "You hussy!" she snapped and sent a right hook to the farm girl's jaw.

Daisy went stumbling back and hit the floor hard.

"Oh Tammy!" wailed Felix. "That was pretty un-neighborly of you! She was just being friendly."

"Un-neighborly? She's lucky I didn't..." Her words came to an abrupt halt.

Daisy was no longer in sight, but Ralph sat on the floor where the girl had landed, rubbing his jaw.

"Ralph?" came several voices at once.

The wrecker chuckled. "That's me." And then he looked down at himself. "Awww...man...you ruined my disguise. I was going to go get Gene after this."

"What the Hell?" Calhoun stammered.

"Ralph! How did you turn into a girl?" Felix gasped. And suddenly the fact that he'd just been kissing Ralph hit him, and he grabbed a cocktail napkin and hurriedly wiped off his mouth. "And you kissed me!"

"You bet I did." And he lumbered to his feet and turned to the Shy Guy sitting on a barstool nearby watching the misadventures. "You owe me ten gold coins," he demanded of the little antagonist.

The Shy Guy pushed up his mask. "Five! You grabbed him for that second kiss," replied Vanellope, pulling back the hood of the red robe. "That second kiss doesn't count."

"Yeah, but you could see he was willing, so I say ten."

"What's going on here?" demanded Calhoun.

"Oh just a little bet between Ralph and I," giggled the president. "I bet that he couldn't get Felix to kiss him, and he said he could."

"This was all a trick?" whined Felix.

"You could say that," laughed Ralph.

Vanellope hopped down from her barstool and pulled the hood back up and pushed the mask back down. "Let's go back to Demitri and get you transformed again. That was hilarious."

"Not tonight, Kid," said Ralph, turning to leave. "Once was enough for both of us I think."

"Awww, c'mon," she protested. "I've got plenty of blood. Let's do it again." She rubbed at her neck through the robe.

Ralph chuckled and they left the bar.

The sergeant and her two men just stood there looking awkwardly at Felix. And then Calhoun took the stool next to him and flagged down Tapper for a round of drinks. No one said anything until after they'd downed them. And then Calhoun spoke up. "I'm just going to pretend that nothing happened, and that I never saw..." She paused. This was difficult. "Never saw that farm girl kissing you." Her eyes darted to Green and Valentine. "Right, boys?"

The two soldiers nodded. "Didn't see anything, Sir."

"Good."

"I didn't see anything either," piped up Felix.

"Good."

After emptying it, Felix pushed away his mug, and then excused himself to the washroom. Inside he found himself staring into in the mirror. "I wonder where Ralph learned to kiss?" he whispered to his reflection. "He's better than Tammy."

Felix sighed and washed his face in the sink.

-o-o-o-o-o-


End file.
